Ask anyone if they consider themselves a victim and the response will usually be one of disdain and vehement denial. We can all relay areas in our life where we've have been wronged, ripped off, left at the altar, struck down by illness, the list is endless. How could we possibly be responsible for the things that are outside of our control?
Am I a victim to life? Or am I living responsibly?
Do I know the difference between living life from a place of responsibility or is society so supportive of the victim role that we are living it without even being aware?
Let's look at the morning ritual.
Is the morning mood one of resignation, tiredness and a lackluster dread to even get out of bed? Have I experienced another night of restless sleep, worrying about all of the things that are going on in my life? All of the things that aren't working and how much there is to do, learn, know, finish...
Or am I excited about the day ahead and rejuvenated after an evening of rest. Anticipating what I am going to create in my life today? Am I eager to take on another day? Have I been looking after my health and my well being, clearing off the day, and resting peacefully?
What causes me to "be" who I am being each morning? If my state is determined by the way I am feeling and the thoughts going through my head then what is causing these feelings and thoughts. Is it something outside of me? Do I feel disheartened with my spouse, my job, the market, my financial position? Do I want more? Better? Different?
Am I being fully responsible for where I am right now? Am I consciously aware that where I am today is exactly what I have created in my life based on the decisions and choices that I have made? Am I am fully owning each and every aspect of my life or is life dictating me?
Let's look at the four levels of Responsibility and the conversations that come out of each level:
1. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE: "I don't determine what happens in the markets, I don't make the choices at work, I'll get fired if I don't turn up every day, my wife/husband doesn't pay attention to me, I've never been good at long term relationships"
Coming from the place of "I am not responsible" is living from a victim conversation. Life is happening to me, I have little or no control over my life, that's just the way it is, resignation. I do not have a choice.
2. I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: "Okay, I'll accept responsibility, I know I was late again, I forgot my wife's birthday, I knew that was going to happen"
Coming from the place of "I take responsibility" is focusing on the past - it is after the fact and what has already occurred. Accepting responsibility does not necessarily come from ' being' a responsible person. You can be irresponsible and decide to 'take responsibility" to look good, be right or play martyr. It's another way of saying "I feel guilty, I am wrong, I'm ashamed". "I feel bad about it so I'll take responsibility for it."
3. I AM RESPONSIBLE: "I will ensure that this happens, I commit to following up on that, I keep my word, I will be on time, I chose to do this, How can I contribute, How can I influence the situation"
Coming from the place of "I am responsible" is the opposite of victim. This is where possibility begins to happen. At this level I have given myself the power and authority to create the results I want in my life. It may require a shift (new understanding) in consciousness, underlying beliefs and being-ness. To be responsible is to declare that I am the creator and source of any given result in my life - good or bad.
4. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING: "How I am being in the world affects everything and everyone."
Taking this stand of responsibility gives the power to transform all domains of my life. Life is not just around me, I am proactive and a part of everything that is occurring. I have a choice in how I relate to and interact with all people, places and events.
This form of responsibility is the most difficult for people to accept - How can I be responsible for what is going on in the market or for starving children in Africa? If we look at mass consciousness and accept that our thoughts and words are creative, then everything we say and do impacts and adds to the mass consciousness in a positive or negative way. "How did I create this in my life. How did I influence it"
I invite you to look at the results that you have created in every area of your life. List your achievements and your setbacks honestly and openly. Really look at them. Give yourself feedback and clearly see where your decisions and choices have led you. Are you achieving the results you desire? Are you where you truly want to be?
It is easy to get bogged down in our day to day lives. There are things that we perceive to "have control over us", the things that we believe "have us" at this time and as soon as they are dealt with - all will be fine. Examples include: a project at work that I have to do, an illness that prevents me from doing certain things, a lack of money because I have bills to pay...
We can see that we have created drama or unwanted results and we are just waiting for these things to improve and get better. When "that's taken care of" I'll take charge of life again, grab it by the horns, do this, do that etc...
Do new things continue to come up and defeat you? Every time you attempt to take control is there another circumstance or issue that just needs to be dealt with first?
Guess what ? Things are going to continue to happen to us - that's life. For example: if you have a concern that you might die soon, it might be hard to get on with your life because you are continually creating the evidence that you might die soon.
We can either choose to create these obstacles that hold us back or become consciously aware of them and choose beliefs that move us forward. One can make a decision RIGHT NOW to take charge of the future.
Are you willing to truly accept that we are the designers of our own lives and we have only one life to live? At the end of your life will you be telling stories about the risks you took, the dreams and wishes that were fulfilled or will you be telling the stories, excuses and reasons why you didn't achieve your dreams?
"I should have" "I could have" "I would have."
Of course every choice that you make will have consequences and a subsequent result. Even "not choosing" is a choice. Are you making choices that are forwarding or limiting you? Where is fear holding you back?
Are you ready to look at your results honestly and use them as a tool, as constructive feedback (rather than as a way to make yourself right/wrong, good/bad)
When you choose to take this step, you are choosing from responsibility. From here we can make the decisions and take the actions to achieve the life of our dreams and the results that we truly desire.
A final thought:
Look ahead... do you see that person up ahead of you? Look closely because you know them very well. They look like you, walk like you, talk like you. They have your eyes, nose, chin. How are they feeling? What difference are they making? What are their accomplishments? Have they lived their dreams?
Do you recognize them? Whether he or she hates you, loves you, respects you or despises you, whether they are happy, sad, hungry or comfortable, tired, joyous, loving or angry depends on you.
Look again, for you made that person.
That is you - 10, 20, 30 years from now and how they are being is based on the decisions that you choose to make for them today.